Friday, September 07, 2007

When Goodbye Hurts

I have been happily talking about the fact that my youngest is now in school full days. She comes home excited and full of smiles and happiness and tells me how much she loves her class and her teacher. She was all excited, anticipating her big brother walking her to school and me picking her up. "I'm a big girl!" she would proudly state. So, a bit unsure, I let her go with her brother. He is silently proud of the fact that he is allowed to do this. She would play with him until some of her friends showed up and then she would leave him and the other "big kids" to go with her own classmates. Then, when I show up to walk her home, I am sent away as she wants Hamster Boy to do it. So, I slowly walk away and they both catch up fairly quickly.

Yesterday that changed. She called me to come and get her. She wasn't feeling well. She was in tears. I brought her home and we cuddled on the sofa for an hour and then she was fine and went back to school for the rest of the day without a problem. This morning, she was uncertain about who should walk her to school, so I suggested that I come along with them. Hamster Boy went along ahead and the two of us made it to school. She wanted to be with me the whole time, right up to when her class started to line up to go in. Halfway up the steps, she turned and was crying that her belly ached again. She wanted to come home. "I like grade 1 but I don't want to go" she cried. I walked her to her classroom and then the teacher gave me that allknowing look. Assurances were given and I know she will be fine. But every parent who has to remove their child from their arms and give them over to another's care when they don't want to be there knows how heartbreaking it is. Goodbye hurts.

Two years of kindergarten wasn't a problem for her. She had her days when the Pilot was away where she needed her Mommy. I know that this will pass. But goodbye hurts. I left hearing her tears and knew I had to keep going. Goodbye hurts. I know that the teacher will call me later today, probably at recess telling me that she is now OK. But my child is hurting inside and it hurts me, too. She is growing up and doesn't like it very much.

I am really blessed that the job I found enables me to see her to school and then to pick her up after. No babysitters. That was the one condition I made for job hunting. I turned down a couple of offers due to the hours. I am glad I did. Goodbye hurts even more when there is a babysitter at the end of the day and not Mommy.

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